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Child’s interest

The divorce of their parents is for children mostly a sudden, but in any case a drastic change in their lives. A divorce is always difficult for them.

A divorce may evoke divergent emotions and reactions with children: sadness, anger, guilt, frustration, behavioral problems, loyalty related problems. When researchers ask children: “What does the divorce represent for you?”, children usually answer two things: the divorce and the arrangements.

The way a divorce goes, matters. And the way everything is arranged and organized, matters. Of course every child finds it unfair that the parents separate, but understanding why and being seen by both, makes them resistant. Children want to feel safe and loved. They want to be part of it.

Children are not passive creatures that just undergo the events they are surrounded with. Children feel much better when talking about the divorce with their parents, when counting in setting the arrangements and when parents don’t fight about them. In such way, they cope better with the separation. Talking about the separation, not blaming themselves as being the cause of the divorce and being part of the process stimulates their resilience. Children better manage the burden of the divorce when they:

  • Say how they experience the separation;
  • Get a good explanation for the reason why;
  • Know that they are not to blame for the separation;
  • Express their concerns about the practical arrangements;
  • Experience that their parents do take into account their suggestions about the arrangements;
  • Don’t get stuck between everlasting parental fights

Sometimes the one parents wishes to change residence while the other wants to prevent this removing of the children. This will cause feelings of impotence with the children.

In case your child has questions about the divorce and wants to express its wishes about the yet to be drafted parenthood plan, parenthood plan, your child – whatever the age – is welcome to talk about it.

SYNTAGMA offers professional support to both children and their parents. Whether the need thereto is felt prior to, during or after the divorce process, appointments can usually be made on short term.